SOME INSIGHTS AND INSPIRATION

    
     On our trip we had a lot of time to talk.  Neither Dave nor I are very great conversationalists.  We can be, of course, but we are very comfortable to just observe the surroundings and enjoy the quiet.  But because of the tremendous amount of uninterrupted time we had in the car, we had a couple of really good talks, and came up with some good observations.
     Here's the first one:
     We've heard it said that some couples split up and divorce when they retire. The premise is that they have too much time together.  Whereas previously, when he worked, the wife had control of the household affairs and she had sole control of her use of time.  After retirement, lines of control get foggy.  Getting used to being together for 24/7 much of the time can be stressful. It is possible that part of this lies in the fact that the husband had control of his work place, and now, during retirement he's lost important responsibilities and doesn't have his old area of control and he attempts to insert  control in the wife's domain. (Big mistake!)  
     We must admit that this past three and a half years have been somewhat of an adjustment for us.  Our time in China wasn't so hard, as we were both working, and lines of responsibility were fairly well in tact.  But now that we're home again -- the challenge has returned to a degree.  Though we're certainly get along fairly well things have been tense on thankfully rare occasions.
     We discussed possible remedies to this problem.  The best one we came up with is called the "Continue Courtship into Retirement" plan.  We discussed our observations and memories of how couples relate and interact with each other when they are first dating or courting.  Most generally, they make efforts to get the other to fall in love with them.  They are concerned about the happiness and comfort of the other.  They're nice to each other. They compliment each other.  They forgive each other quickly when gaffs or mistakes happen.  They always portray each in a favorable light to others.  They seek out fun things to do together.  They easily compromise (well, some of them do).  They never dredge up errors or past mistakes to throw in their partner's face.  They do special favors for their partner.  They laugh at each others  jokes, even if they are dumb.  They plan surprises for each other, etc. etc. etc.
     We hypothesized how much happier old married couples would be if they put in place the "CCIR" program.  We couldn't find a single drawback. 

The 2nd one:
     In our prolonged lives, we've both had daily experiences with failure.  Our one BIG area of failure through the last thirty years has been that of weight control.  We've tried all kinds of diets and efforts of one kind or another to loose weight.  Often we've promised ourselves a lovely reward like a banana split, vacation, or even money as a reward for success -- but it's never worked on a prolonged basis.  WHY?!?!  It's sooooo frustrating!  Is it that the reward loses it's appeal in the face of hunger, and we quit early in the effort?  Even upon successful completion of a short term goal, which rarely happens, the reward is enjoyed, and we quickly revert to past poor eating behaviors, the weight returns and we have more failure.  WHY?!?!  Why haven't we been able to conquer this addiction?!  As we discussed this dilemma an idea came to us.  Maybe a reward for good behavior was the problem.  Maybe we should have been applying a punishment for failure instead of the promise of a reward for the ever elusive success.
    So, we discussed what kinds of punishments might be helpful, or applicable.  We soon realized that a punishment that might be ideal for one person wouldn't work for another.  The ideal punishment would have to be personalized.  Each individual would have to come up with his own, diabolical, powerfully painful, dreadful punishment.  You'd have to look at your own life, and be able to label something that would be unthinkable.  For example, if you're a staunch republican who has worked on the Romney campaign, a good punishment might be that you would have to donate $1000.00 to the democratic party.  
     We quickly realized that there had to be some restrictions about what types of punishments should be chosen. Obviously, the applied punishment couldn't be something unhealthy that would ruin your life.  You couldn't say that you'd eat a bowl of dog doo.  It would have to be something plausible -- something that you could really implement.  We also decided that the punishment couldn't be something that would jeopardize a good relationship either.  You couldn't choose to never see a grandchild again as your punishment. If we put more time into it, I'm sure that we would think of more regulations or guidelines that would be helpful in choosing the proper punishment.
     Having a workable punishment requires that you know what you really love or really hate. So, it requires some self -analysis. What is it that we really love?  We all love things in which we've invested a lot of time or money.  Some people love their car.  Some people love sports.  Some love the beautiful things that they have or that they've created with their God-given gifts.  A good punishment for failure at any goal might be just the thing to guarantee success.  What would your punishment be?
      We all know that sugar consumption has a lot to do with weight control.  Recently though, there have been documentaries on the TV that have labeled sugar as a toxin that does a lot of damage to the human body. In the past ten or more years, I've noticed that my joints hurt more than they used to when I was younger.  In the past five years or more I haven't been sleeping as well as I used to.  My mother shared in some of these same problems as she got older, and she strongly felt that the accumulative years of sugar consumption was partially to blame.  I tend to agree -- or at least, I have wanted to test the theory. The problem lies in having the strength of character to eliminate the sugar.  
     Eliminating sugar intake until the end of the year is my new goal.  Instead of a new wardrobe or a vacation to Hawaii, or reward of any other type, I've attached a punishment. If I return to normal sugar consumption, I will give the Christmas quilt that I completed last spring to someone for which I hold contempt, someone that I really dislike. This individual will remain unnamed.  For myself, the punishment is not enacted until I revert to my old sugar-intake patterns. I have written in a small allowable margin of error.  If I inadvertently pop a sugar laden item in the mouth without thinking -- I will be allowed to spit it out, and feel remorse upon realization of the error, and quickly return to the "no sugar" routine. This will require complete honesty with myself.  With the holidays on the horizon, I'm sure to be put to the test.
     The looming punishment has been effective so far.  I've had quite good success, because the threat of my custom, designer punishment carries a better motivation for me than a reward.  In the past two weeks I've had two little blips in the effort.  They've both occurred on Sundays. (????)  But I've been on-course the rest of the time.
     Dave has chosen to go with the weight-loss goal.  He wants to lose fifteen pounds before his birthday on January 12th.  His customized, designer punishment is to go without cable TV for three months.  I must say, I'm almost rooting for his failure.  He might miss the Super Bowl!  Most of the football season will have passed by then, but basketball will be in full swing.  We'll see if a punishment carries better motivation than a reward for Dave.
     A good punishment for failure in the acquisition of any goal might be just the thing to guarantee success.  What would your punishment be?
     What do you think?  Did we have too much time on our hands?